I know, I haven't written on here in a really long time. In fact, it's been about a year. I think I've been avoiding it. A lot has been going on since the last time I posted, but I think about this blog a lot. I think about writing on here and keeping up with my thoughts and this outlet for my grief. Sometimes it's just too hard. But I also want to share with other people, because I don't know who reads this out there, but it might be helpful to someone (letting them know that other people out there are experiencing sadness.)
Last year at this time, I was pregnant and dealing with the emotions of not having my mom around to share the news with. Now, a year later, I'm dealing with my mom not being around for my baby's first Christmas. Wow, she'd be all over it! I can't even imagine how many presents would be under the tree for him. I probably wouldn't even get to hold him much that day either. She would have been a great grandma.
Her birthday rolled around this past Sunday and we tried to go place flowers on her headstone...but they were actually burying somebody next to her, so they had it all covered up. Therefore, we finally went back today and put the flowers in the vase. I hate going there. I regret that I don't go over there more often, considering the cemetery is right across the street from my local grocery store and Target that I visit frequently. It's just hard to make that left hand turn instead of the right.
Did mention that my son has my mom's eyes. I couldn't have asked for a better blessing. The are the exact same color and shape and when I look into his eyes, I definitely see her. I love how they are connected that way. So, that's it for now. My own eyes tear up as I type this out, but wanted to wish you all out there a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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